A Guide for Men: How to Pleasure a Woman and Have Better Sex

I work with countless women who feel exhausted, stressed, and disconnected—women who put themselves last on their to-do lists and long for more intimacy, connection, and pleasure. Nearly all of them have said:

“I wish my partner understood how to please a woman in bed.”

That’s why I created this guide.

If you’re a man who truly wants to learn how to pleasure a woman and enjoy better sex, you’re in the right place. This isn’t just about techniques—it’s about understanding female desire, intimacy, and communication on a deeper level.

If you want even more insights, check out my podcast episode: “How to Please a Woman: An Episode for the Men.”

How to Pleasure a Woman: The Basics

Here’s a shocking truth: 1 in 2 women experience sexual dysfunction at some point in their lives.

Before working with me, many women had given up on good sex. They saw it as a chore—something to check off after laundry and cleaning the kitchen.

You might think:

• “This doesn’t apply to us. She seems happy.”

• “If something was wrong, she’d tell me.”

But the reality is this: It’s not your fault. The problem is poor sex education, shame around female sexuality, and a lack of open communication.

The good news? You can change this and have better sex together.

Understanding Feminine Desire and Intimacy

Here’s the thing: feminine nature thrives on connection and pleasure. A woman who feels deeply satisfied doesn’t think, “I’m good for the month.” She wants more.

If she’s not wanting more, her needs likely aren’t being fully met—and that’s not about blame, it’s about awareness.

Your goal isn’t to “do enough.” It’s to create sexual intimacy where her desires feel safe and celebrated. When that happens, both of you enjoy a deeper, more passionate connection.

How to Have Better Sex and Please a Woman in Bed

One rule: Great sex is pleasurable for both partners.

Forget the myth that women have “lower libido” or “don’t like sex as much as men.” In reality, sex isn’t a basic drive like hunger—it’s a reward system. When sex is good, you crave more. When it’s not satisfying, you avoid it.

If you want to break that cycle and learn the secrets to pleasuring a woman and enjoying better sex, start here:

1. Expand Your Definition of Sex

Stop thinking of sex as just penetration. Shift your focus to pleasure exploration.

Better sex often includes:

• Oral stimulation

• Manual stimulation

• Deep kissing and sensual touch

• Emotional connection and intimacy

For some, better sex means trying toys, adding more eye contact, or exploring fantasies. The key is exploring sexual preferences together without shame.

2. Understand That Sex Is Multifaceted

Sex isn’t just a physical act—it’s tied to mental, emotional, and relational health. Factors that affect female pleasure include:

• Stress and Libido: Chronic stress and female burnout shut down desire. When she’s in survival mode, pleasure feels impossible.

• Shame and Guilt Around Sex: Many women grow up with restrictive messages about sex, creating internalized guilt that blocks intimacy.

• Religious or Cultural Background: Abstinence teachings or purity culture can cause lingering sexual anxiety, even in marriage.

• Women’s Desires in Bed: Many women don’t fully know what they want because they’ve never been encouraged to explore.

• Communication in Sex: Even when she knows, asking for it can feel scary after years of being told not to “need too much.”

• Health and Hormones: Hormonal imbalances, fatigue, and body image issues all impact libido and satisfaction.

Your role? Create a safe, judgment-free space for exploring desires and sexual intimacy.

3. Learn Female Anatomy and Physiology

Sex education often fails us, especially when it comes to female anatomy and physiology. Let’s clear up some basics:

• The vagina is the internal canal for penetration. Everything external is the vulva.

• Vulva vs. Vagina: They are not the same thing. The vulva includes the clitoris, labia, and more.

• Clitoris Anatomy: The clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings, and it exists solely for pleasure. It’s much larger than the visible tip, with internal structures.

• G-Spot Stimulation: The so-called G-spot is simply an internal part of the clitoral network accessed through the vaginal wall.

If there’s pain or discomfort, a pelvic floor physiotherapist can help.

4. Think Beyond Penetration

As Dr. Ian Kerner says, “Great sex means thinking outside her box.”

Consider the stats:

• Only 29% of women orgasm from penetration alone.

• About 75% of men climax during penetration.

This explains why sex beyond penetration, including oral stimulation, manual stimulation, and deep kissing, is essential for female orgasm and satisfaction.

If you want to truly please a woman in bed, stop rushing penetration and start prioritizing pleasure in all its forms.

5. Exploration Is the Path to Better Sex

The most powerful secret to pleasuring a woman? Curiosity and communication.

Ask yourself:

• What feels exciting for us right now?

• How can we explore new sensations and desires safely?

• What fantasies feel good to share?

Sexual satisfaction evolves. Embrace it. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection, intimacy, and shared pleasure.

Remember these truths:

1. You’re not broken. What you’ve been taught is.

2. The work starts with you.

It’s never too late to improve your sex life—whether you’re newly dating, married for decades, or navigating menopause.

3. FAQ Section

FAQ: How to please a woman 

Q1: What is the best way to please a woman in bed?
A: Focus on more than penetration. Explore oral stimulation, manual touch, deep kissing, and emotional intimacy to increase pleasure.

Q2: Why do women struggle with sexual satisfaction?
A: Stress, shame, lack of sexual education, and hormonal issues often reduce libido. Creating a safe, judgment-free space helps improve intimacy.

Q3: Do most women orgasm from penetration alone?
A: No. Research shows that only 29% of women orgasm from penetration. Incorporating clitoral stimulation, kissing, and foreplay increases satisfaction.

Q4: How can I talk to my partner about her desires?
A: Start with open, shame-free conversations. Ask about what feels good, explore fantasies together, and maintain an emotional connection.

Q5: What role does stress play in sex life?
A: Chronic stress and female burnout significantly lower libido. Reducing stress improves intimacy and overall sexual satisfaction.